There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize