the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
