your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Reggie can tackle my bush.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
