and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
