i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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