Duck Duck Cougar?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
