i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
