I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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