I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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