i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bang-toberfest begins!!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
