I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
