btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize