Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
