I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
