he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Randomize
