I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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