sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
