I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
