ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
