i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
