considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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