I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
