I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
