You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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