I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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