Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He felt like a one man threesome
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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