He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
