I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
