It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
