Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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