okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
