I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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