I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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