You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
