the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
