And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
