He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
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I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
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I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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