I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
