I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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