my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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