and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
