Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
