what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
