i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
