I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
