To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
