I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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