Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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