Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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