Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
