I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
