He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
