Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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