she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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