NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
