This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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