I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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