Well apparently he's into motor boating.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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