At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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