Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
