I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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