I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
