i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
