i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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