This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
