I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
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i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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