I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
