you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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