they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
