am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
