ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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