I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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