just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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