Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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