Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
