so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
