omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You ruined the universe
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
