I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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